Obscure Comic of the Month - Necessary Monsters

Obscure Comic of the Month takes a detailed look at a little known entry from my personal comic book collection. Some will be from major publishers, others self published projects, Original Graphic Novels, issues and Manga. What they'll all have in common though, is that I've rarely, if ever, seen anybody talk about them.

                                          

Necessary Monsters by Daniel Merlin Goodbrey and Sean Azzopardi – First Comics 2011

There exists a world of horrors beneath the one we know. Where creatures of our nightmares stalk amongst humanity and play their games of vengeance, murder and intrigue. To police this world there is The Chain; a covert agency of monsters and killers, charged with keeping the human herd from ever growing too thin.

Contains Mild Spoilers

I picked up the first book of Necessary Monsters when I was at Leeds Thought Bubble a couple of years ago. The creators were promoting their second run of the series (sadly still uncollected) and It was pitched to me as 'Oceans Eleven with movie monsters,”. Suffice it to say, the pitch was unique enough that I couldn't possibly refuse.

It's important to note that I'm not a fan of horror films, at least not the slasher genre anyway, and that colours my experience with Necessary Monsters to a large degree. The cast is heavily populated with ersatz versions of horror icons. Cowboy 13 is a reference to Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Charlotte Hatred a reference to The Ring and Creeping Tuesday to Nightmare on Elm treet. If you're a fan of those films, you'll probably love the comic unconditionally on those grounds alone.

But I'm not a fan of those films, and so I'm left to look at Necessary Monsters on its own merits. Fortunately for me, despite all of it's horror references, the comic is very much a hard boiled spy story, with much more in common with a Bond tale than Friday the 13^th. 

The story follows Tuesday Jones, daughter of a killer who could walk into dreams. She's inducted into The Chain, a secret organisation of monsters and killers who police the other monsters and killers. The Chain are not good guys, but they are less bad than the bad guys, or so we are led to believe. As the story goes on it starts to show that the villain, Harps Bane, may have more noble intentions than it initially appears.

Azzopardi's art is just perfect for the story, the stark black and white keeps the story grounded even as body parts begin to fly, and it walks just the right line between serious and ridiculous. His art does become a little ropey at times, with quite a few character looking a little off model, and his guns look really... odd. Most of the visuals are great though, and a battle between two elderich abominations at the climax is particularly inspired.

As for the plot itself, it doesn't waste any time in getting to the good stuff. The use of pop cultural touchstones allows for the reader to fill in the blanks of the world building all on their own. The cast are all thoroughly likeable, no mean feat considering they are mostly indiscriminate murderers. They're all appropriately grotesque too, setting the tone for the plot and leaving you wondering how it's going to end.

The comic throughout makes the most of the visual medium to create what is essentially a form of American folklore. Both Lady Liberty and the Hollywood sign play an important role in the plot and combined with the horror symbolism it takes a wry look at the concept of American personal identity.

As the plot unfolds, Tuesday is presented with a choice, embrace what she is as a monster, or turn away and return to the mundane world. It's good allegorical storytelling, essentially using movie monster tropes to tell a modern fable about being true to your identity. It's no accident Goodbrey cast Tuesday as a young black American in a story about personal identity, and her story arc is particularly touching.

Now the comic is not without it's problems. As mentioned earlier, the cast are likeable for a bunch of murderers, but that doesn't change the fact that they are, ultimately, murderers. It makes it hard to keep the reader sympathetic to The Chain's cause, but it also causes a massive headache in the dissonance between characters. Tuesday and, to a degree, Hatred are more like vigilantes in the use of their powers, taking down killers and gangsters in a form of warped justice.

Cowboy 13 on the other hand is an actual serial killer, who we see murdering teenagers at both the beginning and the end of the book. If Tuesday is, at least to some degree, empathic towards the plight of victims then it seems odd that we're supposed to just accepter her working alongside 13. Perhaps this is something that gets addressed in a later story, but for now just leaves things feeling a little off kilter.

Maybe it's just because I'm not a horror movie fan though. Most slasher villains become figures of fun eventually and the audience cheers along as they murder people in progressively more ridiculous ways. Maybe we're supposed to cheers along with Cowboy 13 retuning to his murderous roots, but for me, somebody reading this as more of a pulp spy story with a twist, It doesn't ring true.

I suppose that is emblematic of Necessary Monsters problems as a whole. The comic has one foot in one genre and one foot in another and never fully reconciles the two. It's a fun book, and a unique premise, and finishes at an excellent point that leaves you wanting more. It's best enjoyed quickly, and not thought about too much. For horror movie fans, It's probably perfect, but for everyone else, it might leave you feeling as though something is missing.

                                                 

Jack Harvey 2016. Necessary Monsters (c) 2011 Daniel Merlin Goodbrey and Sean Azzopardi. Images used under Fair Use.

Sea of Spheres FAQ

So some of you may have noticed that I've been talking about starting a webcomic for a while. Well gears are finally turning in the right direction for that (Though the whole idea of running a site is still a little daunting, so if anyone has any advice on that side of things feel free to PM me.)

A couple weeks ago I wrote about some of the characters, but now is the time to give you a better idea of what the comic will be like. Here's an FAQ.

So what is Sea of Spheres?

It's a fantasy story with elements of science fiction and steampunk in there. The first story arc is primarily a murder mystery.

Okay, what's the comic about more specifically?

The setting of Sea of Spheres is a cluster of small planetoids in a crack between dimensions. A breathable atmosphere connects these small worlds and people travel between them in air balloons and sky ships.

Occasionally travellers from other realities will pass through this crack, leaving behind magic and technology that the inhabitants adopt.

Most of the Spheres are ruled over by a large city called Icon (pronounced Eye-son) that hangs above them. Their biggest rivals are the largest Sphere, called Arcadia, and a tecnologically advanced Sphere called Gemini. Beneath the Spheres is a large concave desert called the basin.

Sea of Spheres is the story of these inhabitants, and the societies they form on the spheres themselves. To begin with though, we'll be following a couple of detectives call 'Justices' investigating a murder on one of these worlds.

 So what format is is going to take?

Each page will be about three to four panels. The artwork will be black and white, but I'll try and fit some colour in now and again. I'm trying to stick to the feel of old 'newspaper' style serials.

What's the planned update schedule?

One strip per week is what I'm aiming at. I hope to upload the prologue in full (about five pages) to start with.

I'm planning the main arc to last about three acts, at about fifty two pages each, not counting interludes. I'm writing it to be self contained so that it's concluded after about three years, and if it's picked up enough interest I have a larger story to tell after that.

How soon can we expect it to start?

I'm hoping some time during March, but more realistically it'll probably be April/May time.

Is this based on any of your other works?

It's not connected to the Modern Realms stories, and it's not connected to Cummings either.

It shares the same fictional universe as a bunch of Carnack short stories I'm writing, though they do not themselves take place in the spheres. Some of the characters might cross paths though.

What are your major influences for the comic?

Sea of Spheres actually started as an idea for a Planescape comic, so you'll see a lot of similarities both in the setting and the visuals. However, my original plot was playing fast and loose with the Planescape setting anyway, and became much more interesting once I changed it to an original universe.

Other than that you'll also see elements from things like The Wire, Judge Dredd, Doctor Who and the works of David Lynch and Terry Gilliam.

Hang on a moment, haven't I seen some of those characters from your old Dungeons and Dragons campaigns?

Yes! A few characters are re-worked from ideas that came about during a couple of our Dnd campaigns a few years back.

However, even though you might see some of those characters and events mentioned, you can consider any of the old Dnd stuff non-canon. The comic has no connection to Dungeons and Dragons or any of it's fictional settings.

Any other questions, feel free to get in touch.

So Hey, About that Webcomic Finally

As I mentioned a couple of times previously, I'm starting work on a webcomic. It's called Sea of Spheres, and it's a bit of a swashbuckling mystery story.

For now I'll be keeping things simple, with a short, relatively self contained, black and white story that might expand out into colour depending how successful it is and how it impacts my other projects.

I'll be discussing the setting in a later update, but right now I just thought I'd introduce the main characters of the first arc. It getting me into the swing of things and hopefully I'll only improve as time goes on. 

I've been sitting on ideas for a comic for years and in the grand scheme of things see no downside in doing it so... here we go I guess.

You'll know here first what the plan is when it starts. I'm hoping to get a dedicated site for it an all that kind of pro looking stuff.

In the mean time thoughts, questions and feedback are greatly appreciated.

Obscure Comic of the Month - Dragondove: Young Liars

Obscure Comic of the Month takes a detailed look at a little known entry from my personal comic book collection. Some will be from major publishers, others self published projects, Original Graphic Novels, issues and Manga. What they'll all have in common though, is that I've rarely, if ever, seen anybody talk about them.

                                                   

Dragondove Volume 1: Young Liars by Les Valiant

Dragons wander the wasteland, seeking the souls of sinners, or so they say. A girl called Lucky doesn't believe that's the whole story, so she skips town, looking to wrangle herself some adventure, mystery, and a dragon of her own. What she finds is a world far richer than most could fathom, and romance she never knew her young heart needed.

Contains mild spoilers

 

Should you read the webcomic Dragondove? Yes. Its a fun little fantasy western with colourful art that you could read through in a couple of sittings, and it won't cost you a penny.

However, we're not here to talk about Dragondove as a free webcomic. We're here to look at it's merits as a body of work, specifically regarding it's first printed collection. Dragondove is worth your time, sure, but is it worth your money?

The story follow a talented, if naïve, young woman called Lucky, who gets pulled into a cross country quest with an unwilling tag along, the courier Primrose. Lucky originally has the simple task of returning an ancient relic, but her and Primrose both are quickly drawn into the conspiracies and schemes of competing forces, culminating in Lucky finally taming a dragon of her own.

As I mentioned, the story is a fantasy western, which is a setting that still feels genuinely untapped but is often tainted by being far too closely tied to the steampunk genre. I love Westerns, but the lone, outlaw life gets somewhat diminished the moment you start introducing airships and clockwork robots.

Fortunately Dragondove mostly eschews the trappings of steampunk. There are steam trains and the like, but the world's technology is pretty much grounded, instead it draws its fantastical elements from the dragons themselves, giving more depth than most fantasy stories that feature the scaled creatures normally do. Here Valiant draws inspiration from beasts of the old frontier, such as bison, stallions and grizzly bears, breathing new life into an otherwise overplayed mythological beast.

So anyway, the world building works exceedingly well, and the use of Western tropes lets the reader fill in the blanks themselves rather than being subjected to info-dumps, and the drip feed of information about the wider world helps fuel that lonesome feeling that's critical to an old west setting.

But a great setting is only as good as the characters you populate it with, and it's here where Dragondove really shines. It would have been easy to populate the story with stock characters, but Valiant decides to have a bit of fun with them instead. Lucky herself is a great lead, eager and enthusiastic in the face of a dangerous world, in that she's far too curious for her own good. She's more Herge's Tintin than Annie Oakley.

Primrose is a perfect foil for Lucky. She's a mysterious, charismatic courier with a past that hinted at being more important than it originally seems. It's Lucky's curiosity that keeps breaking past Primrose's aloof demeanour and shows her to be more human than she'd care to admit. The chemistry between the two of them is perfect, and it's genuinely distressing when it looks as though the two may part ways.

Likewise, the plot's focus on LGBTQ characters is presented with a supreme confidence.

If there's criticisms to be levelled at Dragondove then they are fairly minor. The art in some of the early sections is a little scrappy and it's more obvious on the printed page than it is on screen. Likewise, the first volume wraps itself up a little too quickly, making it feel less of a coherent whole.

But the art has a charm all of it's own, and Valiant's style itself truly feels one of a kind. The visual design of the costumes and the landscapes can only be described as sumptuous, and the action flows from page to page so easily that you'll be surprised you got through the book so quickly.

If all this sounds as though I'm going easy on Dragondove, you can trust me, I'm not. Most webcomics can take a while to get going. Many start with incomplete characters, or unsure of their own world. Les Valiant has built the foundations for the world that she's writing. Primrose and Lucky are complete characters from the get go. It's certainly one of the strongest openings I've seen from a first time strip.

So Dragondove is worth reading online, sure, but it's also damn well worth reading in print. Myself, I can't wait to re-read the next act in book form. It's a comic that puts a new spin on combining old genres, in both it's setting and it's characters, and Valiant's art is perfectly suited to the dusty plains populated with an oasis of colour.

Read it for free, pay for the print version, but either way I think you should give it a go.

                                                       

Jack Harvey 2016. Dragondove (c) 2015 Les Valiant. Images used under Fair Use.

Just Another Quick Update

Gears are turning this February on a few projects so I just thought I'd put you in the picture, as it were.

• Obscure Comic of the Month is returning. You should see the column in the next couple of days. Maybe even today!
• The short story is still coming, haven't had an update on the commercial side of things yet, but you'll know the detail as soon as I do.
• I'm hoping to get the ebook/print version of my remastered Tales of the Modern Realms out some time over the next couple of months. All the formatting is pretty much done, so It's just a matter of getting it submitted for retail.
• Plans are moving ahead on that webcomic idea, hoping to have something up by late Feb to mid March. I want to have a full prologue ready to go before weekly updates. In the meantime, here's some WIPs on the characters.

And that's all for now, have a good February. Toodle bye!

Jenny Everywhere's Rules of the Multiverse #3

Wow, it’s been a while since my last comic hasn’t it? This is just a simple one while I get back into the swing of things, and a Jenny comic to boot. What’s old is new again!

The character of The Shifter is available for use by anyone, with only one condition. This paragraph must be included in any publication involving The Shifter, in order that others may use this property as they wish. All rights reversed.

Lisa Cummings and The Five Minute Murder

The Lisa Cummings stories are a short series of comedic mysteries. The first of which was The Case of the Exploding Meat (Part One, Part Two). I'm currently working on a full legnth Cummings novel. In the mean time, here's another short.
                                                                 

Lisa Cummings and the Five Minute Murder

By Jack Harvey

“I'm serious,” said Lisa, twirling the straw in her drink. “Boba Fett is the worst character in Star Wars.”
   
Andy nearly spat out his pint. “Fuck off,” he shot.
   
“No, consider, what does he actually do in the films? Gets hired by Vader, follows Han, and when he catches them in Cloud City he lets the Stormtroopers do the rest. Given that, and his frankly embarrassing death...”
   
Andy held out a hand. “I've got to stop you there. The expanded universe clearly showed that he escaped the Sarlacc pit.”

Lisa shook her head with a smile. “I said, 'In the Movies' Andy. Judging by his appearance on screen alone, no comics, games or books, he doesn't deserve anywhere near the reputation he has, and I'm not even factoring in Attack of the Clones.”
   
Andy took another gulp of beer and folded his arms. “Worse than Greedo?”
   
“Heck, at least Greedo died staring down the barrel of a gun. Fett didn't even get that. I always liked Lobot”
   
Andy pulled a face trying to figure a counter argument, but the damage was done. Lisa put the straw to her mouth and began to finish the rum and lemonade. “Your round,” she said, putting the empty glass in front of him.
   
Andy reached for his wallet. “Suddenly I'm starting to regret using this as an excuse to skip out on Officer Kent's birthday bash.”
   
“Kent the cunt?” Lisa said, laughing. “No you aren't. I don't understand why we couldn't have gone to the The Purple Nighthawk.”
   
Andy stood. “I'm going to have to be in dire straits before I let you drag me into a gay bar Cummings.”
   
“C'mon, it's the modern age. Nobody cares about the heteros anymore,” she joked. “It would be better than this place.”
   
“What's wrong with The Crown?” Andy said, looking offended.
   
Lisa shrugged. “Nothing, if you're like... fifty eight. We're not going to score much pussy here are we?”
   
Andy shook his head and made for the bar.
   
It was a week-night, which wasn't a problem for Lisa, who worked her own hours, but most of her other friends had work in the morning. She had owed Inspector Andy Browning a favour and when he needed an excuse to duck out of a colleague's party she had agreed to join him for a couple of drinks.

Unfortunately there wasn't much going on at The Crown.
   
Lisa glanced over at Andy fumbling with his change at the bar, a loyalty card in his hand. He was probably hoping to get that tenth free pint they owe him.
   
Lisa's phone vibrated, and she checked her recent messages. A bunch from her gaming group, The Bitch Brigade.
   
Ur all going down this weekend suckas. Eat my entire ass. She messaged.
   
A man in a green mac jacket pushed past Andy as he returned with the next round of drinks. A pepperoni and a packet of scampi fries were in his hands.
   
“Where's the cheesy moments?” Lisa asked, disappointed.
   
“They've ran out,” Andy replied.
   
“The fuckers!” she said.
   
Lisa began to suck her drink out of a fresh straw, looking bored.
   
“You sure you don't want to hit the jukebox?” Andy said, trying to console her.
   
“Last time I did that I got side-eyed when Two Become One, came on.”
   
“Hey if you've put the money in nobody's got the right to complain about your shit taste in music.”
   
“Fuck off Andy, I remember your face when that guy put the complete Garth Brooks on during the quiz last month.”
   
Andy threw his hands either side. “You've got a fucking answer for everything don't you?”
   
Lisa shrugged. “I'm a private eye Andy.”
   
“You're a pint sized private eye,” Andy said vindictively. “Besides, you're out of practice.”
   
“Fuck you Rene Mathis I'm at the top of my game. If there was a murder right here, right now, I bet you I'd be able to solve it in like... five minutes.”
   
“Oh you'd bet would you?” Andy said laughing.
   
Suddenly, the man in the green mac had returned from the toilets and made a startled noise at the bar. “What 'appened to me pint?” the man said.
   
“What's up Tony?” asked the tired looking Beryl at the bar.
   
“The head's all gone,” the man called Tony said. “Me pint's dead.”
   
Andy turned and looked at Lisa, mania in his eyes.
   
“I think someone's took a sip out if it!” Tony said.
   
Andy suddenly pointed at Lisa's face. “I bet you a twenty you can't solve this mystery in five minutes!”
   
Lisa frowned, then grinned. “Oh it's on motherfucker. It's on.”

****

Lisa paced the floor surrounding the bar, rubbing her chin. The locals studied her curiously.
   
“Alright,” she said, finally. “Hands up, who's eaten either a pickled egg or pickled onion tonight?”
   
Three hands went up tentatively.
   
Lisa glanced over to Beryl at the bar, her tired eyes betrayed a reluctance to play along.
   
“Well?” Lisa asked.
   
“Well what?” said Beryl sheepishly, rubbing her shoulder with tobacco stained hands.
   
“Is that right? Only these three have been served picked delicacies?”
   
“Oh, yeah, that's right.” Beryl replied.
   
“Okay,” nodded Lisa. “That narrows things down. The only way Tony's beer could have been killed that fast was by the touch of vinegar. Our culprit must have eaten a pickled something before taking a cheeky swig of the beer. Therefore, only one of these three could have been the culprit.”
   
First of the three suspects was Barry, a regular for years who could be a little clingy and irritating after too many pints. Next, there was Joshua, a young friend of Beryl's son who was home from working on the rigs. Finally, there was Linda, the local quiz team leader who had a bit of an abrasive personality at times.
   
“Well it weren’t me becus'...” Barry started.
   
“Not yet.” Lisa held out a hand.
   
Barry stopped.
   
Andy folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. He had a grin on his face as he watched with some amusement.
   
“Okay,” Lisa carried on. “We also know that nobody tried to conceal the fact that they had eaten a pickled delicacy, which suggests that our culprit is confident enough that we won't discover their little altercation. That suggests a careful hand.”
   
“At taking a swig of someone’s pint?” scoffed Linda.
   
“That's precisely the attitude they're hoping we'll take,” Lisa said, walking over to Linda and leaning over by her table. “Precisely the attitude they'd like to foster. Care to confess anything to us Linda? We know how you have a taste for beer, with your Ale Society membership or whatever it is.”
   
“Don't be absurd,” Linda spat.
   
“We'll see,” Lisa said, backing away. “We'll see.”
   
Andy shoved a few scampi fries in his mouth.
   
“Tony,” Lisa said, walking over to the bar. “Is there any one of these three whom you feel may hold a certain disdain for you these days? Anyone that might want to wage a silent protest?”
   
Tony pulled a face. “Well, I wouldn't put it past Barry playing silly beggars.”
   
“Ayy, that's not fair, I wouldn’t...” Barry objected.
   
“Not. Yet!” Lisa commanded. She turned back to Tony. “Carry on.”
   
“Well it's just that Linda has too much self respect to do something like that, and I can't see young lad doing it, he's got plenty of money in his line of work.” Tony shrugged.
   
“Oh indeed,” Lisa walked over, eye-balling Joshua. “No reason you'd take a swig at all. Right J?”
   
“No,” Joshua said pleasantly. “It wasn't me.”
   
Lisa quickly turned to Beryl. “Beryl! Is it true or not that both your son and our friend here got in trouble five years ago for swiping peoples drinks?”
   
Beryl looked shocked. “How did you know?”
   
“You come across a lot of interesting stuff in my line of work,” Lisa said, grinning. “You started off fishing for unfinished pints, isn't that right Joshua? Until you started looking for more excitement?”
   
Joshua suddenly looked worried. “Yeah but that was a long time ago. I was at uni, I was short on cash. I can pay for my own drinks now.”
   
“Yes you can,” Lisa nodded. “But maybe from time to time you miss the old excitement? Maybe you wanted one final score?”
   
Barry stood up. “Aye, I can understand that, back when...”
   
“Not yet Barry!” Lisa shot. “We'll be getting to you in a moment.”

Barry sat down, deflated.

Linda piped up again. “Hang on a moment. Tony's always going for his tea at the chippy across the road. How do we know it wasn't the vinegar from that that killed his pint?”

Lisa held up her hand, index finger extended. “A valid question. It is however impossible. Listen.”
   
Everyone around the bar went silent. They were unsure what they were supposed to be listening to. The only sound was the music on the jukebox.

“That's Purple Rain by Price,” said Lisa. “Tony always puts three songs on the jukebox, and Purple Rain is always last. If we factor in that he went to the jukebox before ordering his drink and going to the toilet afterwards then the window between Born to Run and Lawyers, Guns and Money is too small for him to take a sip from the pint.”

The group nodded, impressed.

“Also, I went to the toilet while Beryl was pulling me the pint,” Tony added.
   
“That too,” Lisa noted.
   
Andy took a few big gulps out of his pint to cool his mouth after the first few bites of the pepperoni.

His eyes were still fixed on Lisa.
   
“Well personally I don't think we'll ever solve this mystery,” said Joshua nervously.
   
“On the contrary,” Lisa barked. “I think I'm starting to see things come together now.”
   
Lisa walked over to Linda, a cocky grin on her face. “I think we can count out Linda as a suspect. If she wanted to do something to piss Tony off she wouldn't do it in secret. She'd either say it to his face or bitch about him on the forums.”
   
Linda folded her arms. “How very dare you,” she said, not showing the slightest bit of relief about being exonerated.
   
Lisa walked over to Joshua, putting her hands around his shoulders condescendingly. “Likewise, I wouldn't put it past young J here, but he's not nearly had enough to drink to get him to start that kind of carry on.”
   
“Young?” he said, insulted. “You were only a few years above me in school.”
   
Lisa walked over to the far side of the bar. “That leaves only one possible culprit.”
   
Barry stood, sweating. “Now that's not fair, I haven't even had a chance to...”
   
But before Barry could continue Lisa began talking over him. “Isn't that right, Beryl?”
   
Suddenly everyone looked to the bar. Beryl stood there, looking surprised. “Me?”
   
Lisa marched over to her. “It's no secret that you've been sick of Tony for a long time, complaining about him having the same conversation every night and never changing up the music on the jukebox.”
   
Andy raised his eyebrows.
   
Beryl stood there blushing.
   
Lisa continued. “Who else would have been able to take a sip of that beer without anyone noticing? It was your own little silent protest. If it wasn't for your taste in pickled eggs, the head would have still been there and Tony probably wouldn't even have noticed.”
   
“What's wrong with my taste in music?” said Tony, dejected.
   
“Okay, fine, I'll pull you a new one,” Beryl said to him, reaching over for a new glass.
   
Lisa pumped her fist. “Haha, Yes!” She strutted over to Andy with a shit-eating grin.
   
Andy shook his head.
   
“Come on, pay up sucker.” she said, holding out her hand.
   
Suddenly Barry sat back down. “But I never got to do my bit!”
   
“Shut the fuck up Barry,” said Beryl in frustration.
   
Andy opened his wallet and handed over a twenty pound note. “There's just one thing I don't understand?”
   
“Yeah?”
   
“If I'm Rene Mathis, is that supposed to make you James Bond?”
   
Lisa shrugged. “Clearly Andy.”
   
He got to his feet. “You have such a high opinion of yourself, you know that?”
   
“Hey you know what they say, fake it till you make it.”
   
Andy shook his head one more time. “It's your round then, I suppose, I'm going for a piss.”
   
“Sure thing,” Lisa said strutting over to the bar.  Quickly, she turned to Beryl and lowered her voice. “Thanks for that Beryl.”
   
Beryl shrugged. “Your advice got my daughter a reduced sentence, It's the least I could do.”
   
“Well I'm as sucker for a pretty face,” Lisa said, smiling. “No pun intended.”
   
Beryl raised an eyebrow. “I'm going to forget you just said that. What can I get you?”
   
“Uh, A rum and lemonade and a pint for us. Three more pints for J, Tony and Linda. A babysham and whiskey for Barry.”
   
“I'll have to be quick before Felix Leiter gets back.” Beryl said.
   
Lisa looked confused.
   
“Sorry I thought you were both doing the nickname thing.” Beryl answered.
   
“Yeah but Felix Leiter was white.” Barry said.
   
“Shut the fuck up Barry,” Lisa and Beryl said in unison.
   
Tony started sniggering.
   
“Besides,” said Lisa, “Andy clearly looks more like Anthony Mackie.”
   
“Who's that?” asked Beryl.
   
“He's the guy that played Falcon in the new Avengers films,” said Andy suddenly from behind Lisa.
“But I always remember him from We Are Marshall.”
   
“Jesus,” Lisa said, startled. “Don't sneak up on me like that you fuck.”
   
Andy started laughing. “Who are all these drinks for?”
   
“Nobody,” she said dismissively. “Look, here's yours. Let's go sit back down.”
   
Andy nodded, shaking off his suspicions. The two of them clinked glasses. “Cheers I suppose. At least that was more interesting than doing fifteen Jaeger bombs with Kent and the lads.”
   
The two of them sat back down at their table. “I aim to please,” Lisa said, smiling.
   
Andy couldn't help smiling too. “Okay, so where were we?”
   
Lisa took a sip through her straw. “I was about to say how Jar Jar was a Sith lord all along.”
   
“Okay, now you really can fuck off,” Andy said, spitting out his pint again. “And you can give me that fucking twenty back an' all.”

                                                          
Jack Harvey 2015