Saturday, 3 July 2010
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Jenny Everywhere's Rules of the Multiverse #36
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Tail and Talon: The Whole Sorry Affair (Part 3)
Finally. An ending. AND A BEGINNING! (I object to the excessive use of exclamaion marks however)
“Germ warfare isn't something familiar to the realms. Outside the dabbling of alchemists and mages spells, the use of chemical or biological warfare wasn't very widespread. However the concept behind it was the inspiration behind the Yuan-ti's greatest plots during the Wandering War. Part one was simple, hire some morally dubious traders to smuggle away some of the Rog eggs, then have a different network of conspirators smuggle the eggs back, albiet with some significant alterations.
The eggs were carefully implanted in turn with scorpion eggs. To the naked eye the eggs would appear to be untampered with, until the time came when the scorpions would hatch, eat they're way out of the eggs, and fatally poison the Roc descendants right under they're noses”
- Roma Drangasti – Tail and Talon: Non Territorial Conflict and Mercenary Warfare during the Wandering War
So in this session we finally finished off those zombies, and the characters traversed further into the cave complex. Upon reaching the egg nest, the protective ward is set, to which we're greeted with the eggs opening up to reveal scorpions. Great. I theorized that the whole affair with the stealing of the eggs, and the ice prostitutes, and that, were all part of a grand conspiracy to smuggle the scorpions into enemy territory. To which our DM shrugged his shoulders.
After a bit of trouble with the scorpions a giant Roc flies down to our rescue. Previously our characters were rewarded with a golden leaf that would allow them to summon a grand Roc at a time of need. After this little incident it turned out that this was its one use only, which the DM gave us when we didn't even ask for it. I felt cheated, as I was going to save it for the end of the campaign when we'd likely need it.
Upon returning to the ice palace we collect our usual reward and are tasked with traveling to the Yuan-ti citadel and putting a stop to the war once and for all. Along the way our characters meet a traveling trader who looks suspiciously like every barman they've met so far. The trader offers us a stone golem called Chunga for fairly generous price, to which Trust buys the control rod and orders the golem to knock out the trader so she can steal all his stuff. The DM and indeed the trader are not amused, and deny Trust the ability to make any future commands of the golem. We laugh. Then off they trot.
“So anyway, I was In these caves this one time. Home to a spider queen or some such nonsense. Anyway, I'd had a few ales at this point so I wasn't really paying attention. I get kidnapped, and turned into a giant diamond. I have no idea how it happened but there I was, A giant diamond, chained up in some temple room or something. So these adventurers come along, I try to talk to them but without a tongue its not that easy. Somehow though, I can communicate with them, I can project feelings or something like that.
So they cut me down, and just as I think the worst is over, I'm turned into a giant scorpion or something and have to fight them. Fortunately for me, killing the scorpion released the spell and I got to go home. Thank god for happy endings eh? And the moral of the story is: governing bodies should put more thought into where they build they're tunnel complexes”
- Thora Muttonbone – during a conversation in a tavern about bad experiences
“Get out! Get out! Get ouuuuuuuuttttt”
- Inscription on cave wall
Trotting steadily along, our characters pass through a network of caves en route to the Yuan-ti fortress. Despite the fact that our DM's theatrical premiere was fast approaching, this session had the least attachment to progressing the story or any real semblance of plot. In order to retain my own sanity, and yours, dear reader, I'm going to go through this... what can only be described as a bad acid trip... one step at a time.
Upon entering the caves the characters are forced to give up the usefulness of Chunga, who becomes magnetized to the walls. Further along a lone dwarf tells us how his family have been lost in the caves and that he will reward us if we find them. Further along we find a giant diamond chained up in a room, which we eventually deduce is the dwarfs daughter after some kind of transformation. The DM fails entirely in giving us any clue how to set her free. Instead we cut the chains, and the diamond transforms into a giant scorpion, with the daughter somehow fused to its stomach. One combat encounter later and we've freed the daughter and she runs back to her dad.
Moving swiftly along we go through the same rigmarole to free the son and the mother and in all honesty can't remember what reward we got. Carrying on into the complex the party runs into a benevolent phantom, who tells them that if they defeat the spider queen it will set him free, and we can have all the unbreakable spidersilk we want. He then proceeds to talk and talk. And Talk. When we get to the middle of the complex, it turns out it was all a trap and that the phantom was working for the spider queen all along. Were it not for Chunga's timely intervention it would have been one combat encounter we weren't walking out on. Shortly after, the party leaves the cave complex and is back on the road.
All in all I was a little confused after this session. Were we in the middle of a longer, more concise and regular campaign, it may have had a place, but as mentioned before, we were scraping for time as it was, and It just felt like the DM was stalling us until he could come up with an idea of how to end the campaign.
“Thus the intrepid assassins gained the confidence of the Yuan-ti garrison, giving them free reign of the fortress. What method was it they were to use to dispatch the high command? There was a readily available supply of scorpions, waiting to tamper Roc eggs? Sabotage then? Poison? Perhaps taming the Chiefs pet drake to turn on its master? All these options lay open to them, but disaster would strike at every turn! The kitchens locked tight! The drake, unresponsive! And of the vast conspiracy involving the scorpions, there was nothing to be seen! (might want to re-write this part Roma, its a little dramatic – ed)”
- Roma Drangasti – Tail and Talon: Non Territorial Conflict and Mercenary Warfare during the Wandering War – First Draft
So finally our characters have an objective in sight, arriving at the keep, Trust manages to slip into the usual routine of bluffing her way into the enemies confidence. All that remained was to take care of the high command and make our escape. However, the DM didn't seem to want to help us much in this regard.
Or indeed at all.
While at the keep, there were plentiful method to aid our heroes in carrying out the assassination. The characters were offered to meet the high command, but never in the same room at the same time, so no chance of Azreal just bludgeoning them to death. Access to the kitchens was never allowed, guarded by day and locked and alarmed at night, so no chance of Trust picking the lock and poisoning the food. Then there was the pet drake that was always with the commander, Jocasta attempted to charm it, but when the chance came the DM revealed the commander had a special jewel in its forehead that kept it under total control. Oh, and no Chunga allowed, apparently.
Finally, we discovered a pit under a large statue that contained the notorious scorpions. At this point we planned on cutting our losses and at least manage to take out the main commander by shoving him down the hole. However at this point the DM decided to retcon any existence of said hole being there in the first place, leaving us with a grand total of zero options.
In the end we were so frustrated that we started a fight with a bunch of kobolts and it ended there.
“What occurred next is lost to the history books, and eye witnesses are few. Despite the fact that the mercenary band were completely compromised, they managed to not only escape with they're lives, but also follow out they're contract to the letter, ending the war, and stabilizing the political climate of the realm. We can only speculate on how this was achieved, but evidence seems to suggest that the Yuan-ti high command were actually suffering from a very slow acting form of heart failure. They're resulting deaths being ultimately an act of the gods.
Whether this is true or not there is still not enough solid proof, and many other theories have just as much backing. When pressed on the subject, the three involved had only the following to say:
“Assassination? Me? Surely you mean Arse-assination! Hahahaha! Oh I'm awful. Seriously though, speaking of arses, how is Trust these days? I 'trust' she's well. Hahahahahaha, oh thank you, thank you, I'm on all night.”
- Jocasta Lacroix
“Well, what happened was, we were surrounded by kobolts, and then Azreal shouts, “For great justice!” and then... what?... No I wasn't trying to reach for you're purse strings, how dare you! This is the kind of prejudice Tiefling like myslef have to... No... No I still wasn't trying to reach for you're purse strings you must have been ima- Oh bugger!”
- Trust
“...” “erm...”
- Azreal of the Order of Bahamut
And so our final session never came. Our DM had a date with destiny on stage in front of a thousand screaming middle aged women. What would have happened can only be speculated upon. Once we started to get some free time back, attempts were made to fit in a final session, but we never managed to get it together, and I was edging to jump into the DM's seat myself, to get my own grand campaign in order.
Hopefully such a sour end note won't reflect the future of what Dnd and indeed any tabletop games have in store for us, and all in all I don't regret the time we spent on it. We had some good laughs and insane stories to take home with us, and a bunch of character to build on if we so wished. So I suppose I can end this review with the corny line that the campaigns fate was ultimately dedicated by a roll of the dice. I'll get my coat.
But its not over yet... Not by a long chalk.
“Kara
How goes it my golden haired guardswoman? If Trust lives up to her name (Thats the deceptive Tiefling you're either pointing a crossbow at or have a sword to the neck of) she'll have got this note to you and Sakari safe and sound. I'm already regretting that I'm not there in person, I'd like nothing more than to re-live the old days with you and the little bookworm with eyes of deep azure. But enough with sentimentality.
I may have been out of touch with the politics of the realm for quite some time, but even I know the departure of the snakes and the big birds is going to cause a bit of an upheaval. I have loyalties elsewhere, and alas cannot continue on the road with my friends. With regards to all this, somebody is going to have to keep these two out of trouble. No doubt there'll be plenty of jobs going for adventurer types, or otherwise you could always conscript them into the city guard or have Sakari hire them as cleaners for the library.
Thats how I'd want to be remembered, but you know that already, don't you?
Till the eternal sleep takes us Kara and Sakari
Yours always, and never
Jocasta Lacroix
P.S On the off chance you run into a bunch of Yuan-ti traders, get some of they're advocaat, its to die for!
Click for Full Image
Chapter 5
Trumpton
“Germ warfare isn't something familiar to the realms. Outside the dabbling of alchemists and mages spells, the use of chemical or biological warfare wasn't very widespread. However the concept behind it was the inspiration behind the Yuan-ti's greatest plots during the Wandering War. Part one was simple, hire some morally dubious traders to smuggle away some of the Rog eggs, then have a different network of conspirators smuggle the eggs back, albiet with some significant alterations.
The eggs were carefully implanted in turn with scorpion eggs. To the naked eye the eggs would appear to be untampered with, until the time came when the scorpions would hatch, eat they're way out of the eggs, and fatally poison the Roc descendants right under they're noses”
- Roma Drangasti – Tail and Talon: Non Territorial Conflict and Mercenary Warfare during the Wandering War
So in this session we finally finished off those zombies, and the characters traversed further into the cave complex. Upon reaching the egg nest, the protective ward is set, to which we're greeted with the eggs opening up to reveal scorpions. Great. I theorized that the whole affair with the stealing of the eggs, and the ice prostitutes, and that, were all part of a grand conspiracy to smuggle the scorpions into enemy territory. To which our DM shrugged his shoulders.
After a bit of trouble with the scorpions a giant Roc flies down to our rescue. Previously our characters were rewarded with a golden leaf that would allow them to summon a grand Roc at a time of need. After this little incident it turned out that this was its one use only, which the DM gave us when we didn't even ask for it. I felt cheated, as I was going to save it for the end of the campaign when we'd likely need it.
Upon returning to the ice palace we collect our usual reward and are tasked with traveling to the Yuan-ti citadel and putting a stop to the war once and for all. Along the way our characters meet a traveling trader who looks suspiciously like every barman they've met so far. The trader offers us a stone golem called Chunga for fairly generous price, to which Trust buys the control rod and orders the golem to knock out the trader so she can steal all his stuff. The DM and indeed the trader are not amused, and deny Trust the ability to make any future commands of the golem. We laugh. Then off they trot.
Click for Full Image
Chapter 6
If Axes could Melt
“So anyway, I was In these caves this one time. Home to a spider queen or some such nonsense. Anyway, I'd had a few ales at this point so I wasn't really paying attention. I get kidnapped, and turned into a giant diamond. I have no idea how it happened but there I was, A giant diamond, chained up in some temple room or something. So these adventurers come along, I try to talk to them but without a tongue its not that easy. Somehow though, I can communicate with them, I can project feelings or something like that.
So they cut me down, and just as I think the worst is over, I'm turned into a giant scorpion or something and have to fight them. Fortunately for me, killing the scorpion released the spell and I got to go home. Thank god for happy endings eh? And the moral of the story is: governing bodies should put more thought into where they build they're tunnel complexes”
- Thora Muttonbone – during a conversation in a tavern about bad experiences
“Get out! Get out! Get ouuuuuuuuttttt”
- Inscription on cave wall
Trotting steadily along, our characters pass through a network of caves en route to the Yuan-ti fortress. Despite the fact that our DM's theatrical premiere was fast approaching, this session had the least attachment to progressing the story or any real semblance of plot. In order to retain my own sanity, and yours, dear reader, I'm going to go through this... what can only be described as a bad acid trip... one step at a time.
Upon entering the caves the characters are forced to give up the usefulness of Chunga, who becomes magnetized to the walls. Further along a lone dwarf tells us how his family have been lost in the caves and that he will reward us if we find them. Further along we find a giant diamond chained up in a room, which we eventually deduce is the dwarfs daughter after some kind of transformation. The DM fails entirely in giving us any clue how to set her free. Instead we cut the chains, and the diamond transforms into a giant scorpion, with the daughter somehow fused to its stomach. One combat encounter later and we've freed the daughter and she runs back to her dad.
Moving swiftly along we go through the same rigmarole to free the son and the mother and in all honesty can't remember what reward we got. Carrying on into the complex the party runs into a benevolent phantom, who tells them that if they defeat the spider queen it will set him free, and we can have all the unbreakable spidersilk we want. He then proceeds to talk and talk. And Talk. When we get to the middle of the complex, it turns out it was all a trap and that the phantom was working for the spider queen all along. Were it not for Chunga's timely intervention it would have been one combat encounter we weren't walking out on. Shortly after, the party leaves the cave complex and is back on the road.
All in all I was a little confused after this session. Were we in the middle of a longer, more concise and regular campaign, it may have had a place, but as mentioned before, we were scraping for time as it was, and It just felt like the DM was stalling us until he could come up with an idea of how to end the campaign.
Click for Full Image
Chapter 7
Can we just end it now Please?
“Thus the intrepid assassins gained the confidence of the Yuan-ti garrison, giving them free reign of the fortress. What method was it they were to use to dispatch the high command? There was a readily available supply of scorpions, waiting to tamper Roc eggs? Sabotage then? Poison? Perhaps taming the Chiefs pet drake to turn on its master? All these options lay open to them, but disaster would strike at every turn! The kitchens locked tight! The drake, unresponsive! And of the vast conspiracy involving the scorpions, there was nothing to be seen! (might want to re-write this part Roma, its a little dramatic – ed)”
- Roma Drangasti – Tail and Talon: Non Territorial Conflict and Mercenary Warfare during the Wandering War – First Draft
So finally our characters have an objective in sight, arriving at the keep, Trust manages to slip into the usual routine of bluffing her way into the enemies confidence. All that remained was to take care of the high command and make our escape. However, the DM didn't seem to want to help us much in this regard.
Or indeed at all.
While at the keep, there were plentiful method to aid our heroes in carrying out the assassination. The characters were offered to meet the high command, but never in the same room at the same time, so no chance of Azreal just bludgeoning them to death. Access to the kitchens was never allowed, guarded by day and locked and alarmed at night, so no chance of Trust picking the lock and poisoning the food. Then there was the pet drake that was always with the commander, Jocasta attempted to charm it, but when the chance came the DM revealed the commander had a special jewel in its forehead that kept it under total control. Oh, and no Chunga allowed, apparently.
Finally, we discovered a pit under a large statue that contained the notorious scorpions. At this point we planned on cutting our losses and at least manage to take out the main commander by shoving him down the hole. However at this point the DM decided to retcon any existence of said hole being there in the first place, leaving us with a grand total of zero options.
In the end we were so frustrated that we started a fight with a bunch of kobolts and it ended there.
Click for Full Image
Conclusion
“What occurred next is lost to the history books, and eye witnesses are few. Despite the fact that the mercenary band were completely compromised, they managed to not only escape with they're lives, but also follow out they're contract to the letter, ending the war, and stabilizing the political climate of the realm. We can only speculate on how this was achieved, but evidence seems to suggest that the Yuan-ti high command were actually suffering from a very slow acting form of heart failure. They're resulting deaths being ultimately an act of the gods.
Whether this is true or not there is still not enough solid proof, and many other theories have just as much backing. When pressed on the subject, the three involved had only the following to say:
“Assassination? Me? Surely you mean Arse-assination! Hahahaha! Oh I'm awful. Seriously though, speaking of arses, how is Trust these days? I 'trust' she's well. Hahahahahaha, oh thank you, thank you, I'm on all night.”
- Jocasta Lacroix
“Well, what happened was, we were surrounded by kobolts, and then Azreal shouts, “For great justice!” and then... what?... No I wasn't trying to reach for you're purse strings, how dare you! This is the kind of prejudice Tiefling like myslef have to... No... No I still wasn't trying to reach for you're purse strings you must have been ima- Oh bugger!”
- Trust
“...” “erm...”
- Azreal of the Order of Bahamut
And so our final session never came. Our DM had a date with destiny on stage in front of a thousand screaming middle aged women. What would have happened can only be speculated upon. Once we started to get some free time back, attempts were made to fit in a final session, but we never managed to get it together, and I was edging to jump into the DM's seat myself, to get my own grand campaign in order.
Hopefully such a sour end note won't reflect the future of what Dnd and indeed any tabletop games have in store for us, and all in all I don't regret the time we spent on it. We had some good laughs and insane stories to take home with us, and a bunch of character to build on if we so wished. So I suppose I can end this review with the corny line that the campaigns fate was ultimately dedicated by a roll of the dice. I'll get my coat.
But its not over yet... Not by a long chalk.
“Kara
How goes it my golden haired guardswoman? If Trust lives up to her name (Thats the deceptive Tiefling you're either pointing a crossbow at or have a sword to the neck of) she'll have got this note to you and Sakari safe and sound. I'm already regretting that I'm not there in person, I'd like nothing more than to re-live the old days with you and the little bookworm with eyes of deep azure. But enough with sentimentality.
I may have been out of touch with the politics of the realm for quite some time, but even I know the departure of the snakes and the big birds is going to cause a bit of an upheaval. I have loyalties elsewhere, and alas cannot continue on the road with my friends. With regards to all this, somebody is going to have to keep these two out of trouble. No doubt there'll be plenty of jobs going for adventurer types, or otherwise you could always conscript them into the city guard or have Sakari hire them as cleaners for the library.
I've already mentioned Trust, she's okay as long as you keep an eye on your gold at all times and don't give her the opportunity to torture people. The Paladin is Azreal, he's fun to be around in a dopey shy kind of way, if you can get him out of his shell, no pun intended.
You know I trust you're judgment, and I know you've always been more of an idealist than me. If they're going to throw they're lives away, at least let it be for a good cause.
You know I trust you're judgment, and I know you've always been more of an idealist than me. If they're going to throw they're lives away, at least let it be for a good cause.
Thats how I'd want to be remembered, but you know that already, don't you?
Till the eternal sleep takes us Kara and Sakari
Yours always, and never
Jocasta Lacroix
P.S On the off chance you run into a bunch of Yuan-ti traders, get some of they're advocaat, its to die for!
Thursday, 27 May 2010
Tail and Talon: The Whole Sorry Affair (Part 2)
Fate didn't quite didn't deal us the hand (or roll us the crit as it were) we wanted as it went. In the wake of our first successful session we found it difficult to find the time to get together to follow it up. Getting hold of the DM was particularly difficult (Would've been easer if the bugger bothered to switch on his damn phone) so in the end we had to do something drastic to keep the momentum going. We recruited a new DM. This new DM had a flair for creativity and the theatrical, which was great, but he had even less experience with Dnd than we did. Worst of all was the fact that he's notorious for never finishing what he starts. But more on that later.
“Despite being mortal foes, the Yuan-ti enclaves and the Roc descendants were nothing but civil at times. Both were splinter groups of they're larger races and therefore neither had the backing from they're respective empires or families. Ultimately this led to them recruiting swords for hire and cutthroats, as well as offering deals to the local merchants that didn't ask too many questions.
With this in mind, it was not uncommon to see members of both factions frequenting the same inns and taverns on the lookout for such takers. Winterhaven was one such place that was solid gold for adventurers with more bravado than sense, and they were easily lured into such contracts. A month prior to the assassination, the Roc's managed to hire a trio of adventurers to take out a small Yuan-ti settlement. At the same time the Yuan-ti had decided to start playing dirty, hiring a local trader to start smuggling Roc eggs for the snakes to do with as they pleased, as opposed to the more 'honorable' method of winning them as spoils in open combat.
Unfortunately for the trader, he wasn't to know he was part of a larger plan, had he known this, he might not have met the fate he did”
- Roma Drangasti – Tail and Talon: Non Territorial Conflict and Mercenary Warfare during the Wandering War
So the second session kicks off with our new DM. Right away we're thrown head first into a whole new story. Our characters wake up in the morning to be greeted with a choice between two rival factions. The DM wasn't too familiar with the world of Dnd and wanted snake people versus bird men, which we got in the form of the Yuan-ti and consolidated with the creation of Roc descendants. We were allowed to choose which faction to side with, naturally given our characters predispositions we chose the slightly more justified side. Sometimes I wonder how it would have played out it we'd sided with the Yuan-ti. Though judging by the route the campaign took with the Roc's, there's no real way we can accurately estimate that notion.
“As cold as winters night. As cold as cold as a frosty morn. As cold as a penguins tip. But none as cold as Billy, he's dead, the poor fucker, he's dead”
- Proverb
So after a bit of of banter with each factions representative and a bar man that would show up far too often during the campaign, our characters were tasked with taking out a Yuan-ti settlement. En-rout our DM had us meet a suicidal woman on a bridge and then fight her zombified husband, which apparently made her less suicidal. With the settlement in sight, Trust preceded to bluff the Yuan-ti into believing that we were working for them, which she would attempt to do many many times during the campaign. Within the camp, Jocasta hits the bar for some Advocaat made from Roc eggs, Azreal questions a trader conspiring with the Yuan-ti and managed to extract nothing but a bunch of cigars from him, (actually to be fair, we did manage to figure out that he was smuggling said Roc eggs) and Trust skulked about a bit.
In the end, time was getting on and the DM tired a bit, having us take out the camp by throwing a cigar into what was either highly combustible manure or gunpowder, blowing the place up and having us ride off on stolen horses. Despite that fact that this was a bit of a cop out and thoroughly ridiculous, it felt fucking amazing! The whole session left us with a great feeling of satisfaction and optimism. A final message was sent to the previous DM. “You're Fired”
“Scargrill wasn't just any Yuan-ti officer of course. Like many people in power of his time, he could only be described as 'financially incontinent' in terms of stratagem and fortification. If anything could be bought and implemented, it was, no matter how counter-productive. Some of Scargrill's purchases included: An underground bunker. A river of acid to protect said bunkers entrance. An acid neutralization spell to allow safe passage through the river of acid. A wall of water to disguise said bunkers inner sanctum. A necromantic ward to protect recreational substances via undead warriors. Artificial sensory organs for said undead to be able to experience said substances. Kobolt warriors disguised as Yuan-it officers posted around the land. Solid gold shield. Vast Quantities of Manure.
Despite all this, his killers managed to not only demolish most of his camp one night, then return to waltz right in to his bunker and finish him off the next. Remember kids: A cheap arse may embarrass himself for a moment, but a big spender can embarrass himself for the rest of his life”
- Mr Bronson - Speech to Year 7 on the values of saving money
Next session its back to town to claim our reward. Unfortunately, the Roc representative has been murdered. No prizes for guessing it was his opposite number on the Yuan-ti's side, who Jocasta, Trust and Azreal quickly chase down. But Behold! It is revealed that the Yuan-ti was actually a Kobolt in disguise! For no apparent reason!
From the corpse our heroes loot various bits and bobs, as usual Trust is quick to claim the massive diamond that was promised as reward, but Jocasta is savvy enough to see greater value in a smaller diamond. A diamond with a map engraved in it, illuminated around a room when shone over candlelight. The map leads to the mountains. Along the way our characters give the grieving wife a wave and stop off at the ruins of the Yuan-it camp for salvage. Where we get to experience the joys of the commanders bunker. After being stalked by an undead warrior that eventually got tired and wandered off, they cross a river of acid that has no effect on anyone living. Or dead for that matter.
Once we reach the center our characters battle the wounded commander, and as before, Trust is the first to the loot. Oh well. Heading to the mountains, we are greeted with a glorious palace of ice. And its guards. Though greeted may have been the wrong word. More, told to bugger off.
“For his part in the conspiracy, barman Lythander Kryptmn was offered the usual reward. His weight in gold and jewels. The Yuan-ti weren't the most inventive when it came to coaxing people over to they're own side, but they did make up for it in the sheer magnitude of precious mineral they offered.
Kryptmn was the second part of the grand conspiracy. The first, as we know, was the part played by the Mynderbynder & Mynderbynder trading syndicate, who's agents were responsible for the acquisition and smuggling of Roc eggs. For they're part Mynderbynder & Mynderbynder played for both sides of the conflict, being hired by one side to ensure the safety of a certain cargo and then selling it to the other. They're fickleness however, only aided the spreading of misinformation, which Kryptmn was hired to deal in.
At first glance the Roc egg theft seemed purely to be a dishonorable means of the Yuan-ti getting they're food. Kryptmn was hired to get the eggs back to the Roc nests, no questions asked, and ensure they're safety. Kryptmn's solution was nothing short of masterful, despite his claims that he was “making it up a he went along”.
Kryptmn was working undercover within the Roc palace in a tavern-cum-bordello. His courtesans were emotionless ice golems, sculpted into features of feminine beauty. Within however, were trained fire bats, who would melt out of the courtesans and murder wayward adventurers.
The Roc descendants had no interest in figures of human form, and after Mynderbynder & Mynderbynder's recent performance, didn't think much of they're hired swords going missing in the morning. Kryptmn was then free to use his necromancy on the corpses, sending them off as zombies, to protect the eggs deadly cargo...”
- Silvio de Blum - The Ragnar Conspiritors: The Beginning
The forth session was laugh a minute as the characters bummed around the Ice palace. Keeping the averages up, Trust managed to bluff our hosts into giving them an extremely large reward, only for this to backfire when the DM decided to give Jocasta and Azreal larger rewards because the Roc's 'didn't like her'. We're then give us a quest to go and put a protective ward over some Roc eggs that are endangered by zombies or something.
Funtimes for all. Trust tortures a captive Yuan-it held partially in a block of ice while the other two turn a blind eye. Absolutely nothing is learned. Jocasta hits the bar, again. This time though she's intrigued by the ice maidens, so hires one out for the night, if anything to see if there was anything behind the emotionless facade. I was fully expecting them to be not nearly as emotionless as they appeared, but got more than I bargained for when It melted and a flaming bat exploded out of its torso, Right in the middle of Trust giving Jocasta a 'responsibility' speech (Ironic, coming from a torturer). Shortly after Azreal arrives and the battle begins.
Unfortunately our DM got the hit points and the experience points mixed up, so it took a tad longer than it should have done. Later the dogey bar man who keeps showing up at every bar is perused into caves under the palace, which lead to the nest that contains the Roc eggs. Dun Dun Dunnnnn!
The session ends mid battle against a hoard of zombies. We take a picture of the battle so we can remember the positions, and then lose said picture before the next session. Doh!
Concludes Shortly...
Click for Full Image
Chapter 2
Jobs for the Boys
“Despite being mortal foes, the Yuan-ti enclaves and the Roc descendants were nothing but civil at times. Both were splinter groups of they're larger races and therefore neither had the backing from they're respective empires or families. Ultimately this led to them recruiting swords for hire and cutthroats, as well as offering deals to the local merchants that didn't ask too many questions.
With this in mind, it was not uncommon to see members of both factions frequenting the same inns and taverns on the lookout for such takers. Winterhaven was one such place that was solid gold for adventurers with more bravado than sense, and they were easily lured into such contracts. A month prior to the assassination, the Roc's managed to hire a trio of adventurers to take out a small Yuan-ti settlement. At the same time the Yuan-ti had decided to start playing dirty, hiring a local trader to start smuggling Roc eggs for the snakes to do with as they pleased, as opposed to the more 'honorable' method of winning them as spoils in open combat.
Unfortunately for the trader, he wasn't to know he was part of a larger plan, had he known this, he might not have met the fate he did”
- Roma Drangasti – Tail and Talon: Non Territorial Conflict and Mercenary Warfare during the Wandering War
So the second session kicks off with our new DM. Right away we're thrown head first into a whole new story. Our characters wake up in the morning to be greeted with a choice between two rival factions. The DM wasn't too familiar with the world of Dnd and wanted snake people versus bird men, which we got in the form of the Yuan-ti and consolidated with the creation of Roc descendants. We were allowed to choose which faction to side with, naturally given our characters predispositions we chose the slightly more justified side. Sometimes I wonder how it would have played out it we'd sided with the Yuan-ti. Though judging by the route the campaign took with the Roc's, there's no real way we can accurately estimate that notion.
“As cold as winters night. As cold as cold as a frosty morn. As cold as a penguins tip. But none as cold as Billy, he's dead, the poor fucker, he's dead”
- Proverb
So after a bit of of banter with each factions representative and a bar man that would show up far too often during the campaign, our characters were tasked with taking out a Yuan-ti settlement. En-rout our DM had us meet a suicidal woman on a bridge and then fight her zombified husband, which apparently made her less suicidal. With the settlement in sight, Trust preceded to bluff the Yuan-ti into believing that we were working for them, which she would attempt to do many many times during the campaign. Within the camp, Jocasta hits the bar for some Advocaat made from Roc eggs, Azreal questions a trader conspiring with the Yuan-ti and managed to extract nothing but a bunch of cigars from him, (actually to be fair, we did manage to figure out that he was smuggling said Roc eggs) and Trust skulked about a bit.
In the end, time was getting on and the DM tired a bit, having us take out the camp by throwing a cigar into what was either highly combustible manure or gunpowder, blowing the place up and having us ride off on stolen horses. Despite that fact that this was a bit of a cop out and thoroughly ridiculous, it felt fucking amazing! The whole session left us with a great feeling of satisfaction and optimism. A final message was sent to the previous DM. “You're Fired”
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Chapter 3
Those Meddling Kids
“Scargrill wasn't just any Yuan-ti officer of course. Like many people in power of his time, he could only be described as 'financially incontinent' in terms of stratagem and fortification. If anything could be bought and implemented, it was, no matter how counter-productive. Some of Scargrill's purchases included: An underground bunker. A river of acid to protect said bunkers entrance. An acid neutralization spell to allow safe passage through the river of acid. A wall of water to disguise said bunkers inner sanctum. A necromantic ward to protect recreational substances via undead warriors. Artificial sensory organs for said undead to be able to experience said substances. Kobolt warriors disguised as Yuan-it officers posted around the land. Solid gold shield. Vast Quantities of Manure.
Despite all this, his killers managed to not only demolish most of his camp one night, then return to waltz right in to his bunker and finish him off the next. Remember kids: A cheap arse may embarrass himself for a moment, but a big spender can embarrass himself for the rest of his life”
- Mr Bronson - Speech to Year 7 on the values of saving money
Next session its back to town to claim our reward. Unfortunately, the Roc representative has been murdered. No prizes for guessing it was his opposite number on the Yuan-ti's side, who Jocasta, Trust and Azreal quickly chase down. But Behold! It is revealed that the Yuan-ti was actually a Kobolt in disguise! For no apparent reason!
From the corpse our heroes loot various bits and bobs, as usual Trust is quick to claim the massive diamond that was promised as reward, but Jocasta is savvy enough to see greater value in a smaller diamond. A diamond with a map engraved in it, illuminated around a room when shone over candlelight. The map leads to the mountains. Along the way our characters give the grieving wife a wave and stop off at the ruins of the Yuan-it camp for salvage. Where we get to experience the joys of the commanders bunker. After being stalked by an undead warrior that eventually got tired and wandered off, they cross a river of acid that has no effect on anyone living. Or dead for that matter.
Once we reach the center our characters battle the wounded commander, and as before, Trust is the first to the loot. Oh well. Heading to the mountains, we are greeted with a glorious palace of ice. And its guards. Though greeted may have been the wrong word. More, told to bugger off.
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Chapter 4
Up the Junction
“For his part in the conspiracy, barman Lythander Kryptmn was offered the usual reward. His weight in gold and jewels. The Yuan-ti weren't the most inventive when it came to coaxing people over to they're own side, but they did make up for it in the sheer magnitude of precious mineral they offered.
Kryptmn was the second part of the grand conspiracy. The first, as we know, was the part played by the Mynderbynder & Mynderbynder trading syndicate, who's agents were responsible for the acquisition and smuggling of Roc eggs. For they're part Mynderbynder & Mynderbynder played for both sides of the conflict, being hired by one side to ensure the safety of a certain cargo and then selling it to the other. They're fickleness however, only aided the spreading of misinformation, which Kryptmn was hired to deal in.
At first glance the Roc egg theft seemed purely to be a dishonorable means of the Yuan-ti getting they're food. Kryptmn was hired to get the eggs back to the Roc nests, no questions asked, and ensure they're safety. Kryptmn's solution was nothing short of masterful, despite his claims that he was “making it up a he went along”.
Kryptmn was working undercover within the Roc palace in a tavern-cum-bordello. His courtesans were emotionless ice golems, sculpted into features of feminine beauty. Within however, were trained fire bats, who would melt out of the courtesans and murder wayward adventurers.
The Roc descendants had no interest in figures of human form, and after Mynderbynder & Mynderbynder's recent performance, didn't think much of they're hired swords going missing in the morning. Kryptmn was then free to use his necromancy on the corpses, sending them off as zombies, to protect the eggs deadly cargo...”
- Silvio de Blum - The Ragnar Conspiritors: The Beginning
The forth session was laugh a minute as the characters bummed around the Ice palace. Keeping the averages up, Trust managed to bluff our hosts into giving them an extremely large reward, only for this to backfire when the DM decided to give Jocasta and Azreal larger rewards because the Roc's 'didn't like her'. We're then give us a quest to go and put a protective ward over some Roc eggs that are endangered by zombies or something.
Funtimes for all. Trust tortures a captive Yuan-it held partially in a block of ice while the other two turn a blind eye. Absolutely nothing is learned. Jocasta hits the bar, again. This time though she's intrigued by the ice maidens, so hires one out for the night, if anything to see if there was anything behind the emotionless facade. I was fully expecting them to be not nearly as emotionless as they appeared, but got more than I bargained for when It melted and a flaming bat exploded out of its torso, Right in the middle of Trust giving Jocasta a 'responsibility' speech (Ironic, coming from a torturer). Shortly after Azreal arrives and the battle begins.
Unfortunately our DM got the hit points and the experience points mixed up, so it took a tad longer than it should have done. Later the dogey bar man who keeps showing up at every bar is perused into caves under the palace, which lead to the nest that contains the Roc eggs. Dun Dun Dunnnnn!
The session ends mid battle against a hoard of zombies. We take a picture of the battle so we can remember the positions, and then lose said picture before the next session. Doh!
Concludes Shortly...
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Tail and Talon: The Whole Sorry Affair (Part 1)
“The almost nonevent that was the Wandering War of is perhaps one of the finest examples of a conflict fought without any desire for territory. The conflict between the Roc Descendants and the Yuan-ti Enclaves was brought about purely by natural selection alone, the Lizards fed on the eggs of young birds, the Birds fed on the dyeing old lizards. Depending on you're point of view, both sides were either entirely justified In they're aggression or not at all.
Irrespective of the causes and effects of the conflict, and indeed the rather unique qualities of a war fought purely with the intent of exterminating the other side, that is not what I am writing to discuss today. The wars effect on military dogma and social community at the time will (and has) be discussed by many better social thinkers than myself. Rather, today I am writing about one particular event in the wars era, the assassination of the Yuan-ti high command, an event brought about only by the wars rather unique circumstances”
- Roma Drangasti – Tail and Talon: Non Territorial Conflict and Mercenary Warfare during the Wandering War
Being the first in hopefully many Dungeons and Dragons campaigns, the now named Tail and Talon was the first blooding of me and my friends at Dnd and indeed role playing in general. Getting the whole thing going was hard enough, and was brought to a sadly abrupt end. The First session was made up of three players (one being myself) and one DM, being the only one with experience in dnd, we thought him best for the role. Funny how things would turn out.
Irrespective of the causes and effects of the conflict, and indeed the rather unique qualities of a war fought purely with the intent of exterminating the other side, that is not what I am writing to discuss today. The wars effect on military dogma and social community at the time will (and has) be discussed by many better social thinkers than myself. Rather, today I am writing about one particular event in the wars era, the assassination of the Yuan-ti high command, an event brought about only by the wars rather unique circumstances”
- Roma Drangasti – Tail and Talon: Non Territorial Conflict and Mercenary Warfare during the Wandering War
Being the first in hopefully many Dungeons and Dragons campaigns, the now named Tail and Talon was the first blooding of me and my friends at Dnd and indeed role playing in general. Getting the whole thing going was hard enough, and was brought to a sadly abrupt end. The First session was made up of three players (one being myself) and one DM, being the only one with experience in dnd, we thought him best for the role. Funny how things would turn out.
“Jocasta Lacroix had already quite a reputation before her part in the Wandering War. Born a half-elf orphan in a small rural village, she left early in life due to the locals misgivings towards her promiscuity and rather aggressive attraction to members of her own gender. Shortly after she would join the Andovian city guard. Her career was reasonable enough, but eventually she found herself cast out after an incident involving a succubus and and erinyes infiltrating the city. Jocasta successfully managed to save the city by keeping the creatures occupied, but her methods used were considered high risk and as such her employment was terminated.
Shortly after, Jocasta entered mercenary work, where she honed most of her ranger skills (and a few other talents). Her employment mostly consisted of body guard work for princesses and priestesses, though her interest in said clients often earned her declined pay and a slap in the face (unless it was a good day), which soon led to her taking more colourful contracts, which would eventually lead her to fighting in the Andovian-Wardovian civil war. Shortly after the wars conclusion she disappeared for a time, only to show up a year later with tales of 'other worlds' (most likely she had been planewalking, but there are no known sources to confirm this), and soon returned to private military contracting.”
- Alysoun Mifflinburg – No Dykes to Watch Out For: Mercenaries on the Road Less Traveled
Jocasta started life as a wet dream with a sword and a shield, I won't deny that, but the fact that she became something far more interesting says more about role playing than it does about me. Jocasta was the first character I created for a computer RPG which wasn't just a representation of myself, and in a sense was my first real crack of playing a role rather than doing what I'd do if I were there. I made her an aggressive lesbian because I couldn't think of anything more strange than that in a tolken-esque fantasy world, and by and large, Neverwinter Nights 2 pretty much gave me the freedom to do just that. By the end of NWN2 and its expansion , which resulted in a heart wrenching conclusion, Jocasta had grown on me like an extra tooth. She was soon added to the crossover cosmology of fictional worlds within my own head, and ultimately not bringing her back for a full blown dnd campaign would have been both an injustice to her, and myself.
Shortly after, Jocasta entered mercenary work, where she honed most of her ranger skills (and a few other talents). Her employment mostly consisted of body guard work for princesses and priestesses, though her interest in said clients often earned her declined pay and a slap in the face (unless it was a good day), which soon led to her taking more colourful contracts, which would eventually lead her to fighting in the Andovian-Wardovian civil war. Shortly after the wars conclusion she disappeared for a time, only to show up a year later with tales of 'other worlds' (most likely she had been planewalking, but there are no known sources to confirm this), and soon returned to private military contracting.”
- Alysoun Mifflinburg – No Dykes to Watch Out For: Mercenaries on the Road Less Traveled
Jocasta started life as a wet dream with a sword and a shield, I won't deny that, but the fact that she became something far more interesting says more about role playing than it does about me. Jocasta was the first character I created for a computer RPG which wasn't just a representation of myself, and in a sense was my first real crack of playing a role rather than doing what I'd do if I were there. I made her an aggressive lesbian because I couldn't think of anything more strange than that in a tolken-esque fantasy world, and by and large, Neverwinter Nights 2 pretty much gave me the freedom to do just that. By the end of NWN2 and its expansion , which resulted in a heart wrenching conclusion, Jocasta had grown on me like an extra tooth. She was soon added to the crossover cosmology of fictional worlds within my own head, and ultimately not bringing her back for a full blown dnd campaign would have been both an injustice to her, and myself.
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“Of Trust (Surname: Unknown) little is concrete knowledge. Like most Tieflings she was an unregistered birth, and her sociopathic tendencies would indicate either the lack of known siblings or a bad experience with one in the past. Trust made her trade through pickpocketing and confidence trickery. Had she stuck in one place for long she may have found herself scouted for membership into a resident thieves guild, but as it was, her loner lifestyle led her from one city to another. Her streetwise knowledge and survival instincts would keep Trust alive long enough to leave the shadows and inadvertently enter the limelight. After a brief stint in Andavia prison Trust would be approached by notorious bedwrecker Jocasta Lacroix.
Jocasta no doubt as unofficial hearsay has taught us, had only one thing on her mind, but Trust stonewalled the half-elf's advances, instead negotiating a cut in Jocasta's mercenary work, and the two of them became partners of moderate success. When word came of the local lords of Winterhaven paying good rates for the return of salvaged artifacts, it was time for fate to come knocking on Trusts door, to prove that even demon blood can play a part in the preservation of international peace.”
- Ezio de Sirenze – Here We Stand: The Teifling Peoples Road to Acceptance
Trust was the second female in the group, created by my friend who has a rather twisted sense of wit. Trust would certainly come in useful in game terms, and my friend chose to play her as vindictively as possible, resorting to pickpocketing and stealing at every available opportunity, especially from his own group members, and many a game would dissolve into a mad dash for loot as Trust would always attempt to get the most valuable items available, then bluff that there was none, which led to the rest of us pouring skill points into countering bluff.
Naturally the way Jocasta was played made Trust an obvious target for her affections (nee: randyness), and every attempt to seduce her was made, but unfortunately to no avail. This was all made even funnier by the fact that Trust would often attempt to seduce various male characters to coax more money or information out of them, and as with Jocasta's attempts, this fell flat every time.
“A Stoic, quite sole, the inner mind of Azreal of the Order of Bahamut was a closely kept secret, even to himself. Living the holy life in the chapter house at Kamalot, his masters eagerly awaited the day Azrael would leave the confines of the quiet stone walls to seek glory in his gods name, proving his worth to the order. This would be a long time coming however, as Azreal's dedication to occupying the chapter house, was almost indomitable.
Eventually his masters chose to favor Azreal with a most sacred mission, to travel to the small town of Winterhaven to secure its holy relics and prevent them from falling into the hands of the unworthy. Azreal was sent on his way with only a great axe, longcoat and everburning cigar to his name. He was soon joined by two serfs, who aided him on his journey, but the gods smiled on Azreal, for they knew he was destined for greater things. History would follow its course, and Azreal would successfully lead the assassination that would end the Wandering War. Weather Azreal subtly manipulated events to lead to this most glorious act, or merely followed the hand of his god unquestionably, is an enigma that haunts many historians to this day.”
- Tomas of the order of Bahamut – Oh Shining Day!: The Exalted of Bahamut
Finally we were joined by Azreal, my friends paladin who was occupied by a model of Ursarkar Creed from Warhammer 40'000, which led to many running jokes involving his longcoat and cigars, which despite being a lawful good paladin, would turn out to be the characters only motivation. My friend was probably the least into role playing and the most into skull smashing, and thus there were few dimensions to Azrael. As such my friend also found the lawful good alignment somewhat restrictive when he always wanted to go for the violent option.
Despite all this, Azreal remains probably the most well rounded character between Jocasta and Trusts extreme personalities. Given time and perhaps a retool of the character, Azreal could have developed into a more complex soul, so future campaigns may see him continue the fight for the glory of tobacco
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Chapter 1
Livin' Lovin' Losin'
“Day 1143768 – As per usual the kobolts are causing trouble on the roads, being a mixed blessing as they're presence here helps convey the illusion that Winterhaven is the capital city of adventure. As per usual a bunch of adventurers stumbled into town with said illusion. Logged In: One Human Paladin, One Half-Elf Ranger, One Tiefling Rogue (John, these Tieflings are becoming more and more common, I'm not a judgmental man, but I swear if I see any more I'm going to have to start a toll gate). Upon entering the village the adventurers followed the usual routine, talk a bit about the keep, ask for some help etc. Half-Elf Ranger was incapacitated for the rest of the day from consuming dwarfish spirits. Logged Out: Half a Liter of Dwarvern Tallisker. The other two went around town trying to scrounge some info, usual scratch-my-back-scratch yours follows. That Elvish womans being stupidly cryptic again, I wish she'd stick to the program and not act like Lord bloody Soze. Also, what the hell is that Dwarf Bard doing here? Logged Out: Two Rooms, Standard Candles and Cleaning Costs
Day 1143769 – Tiefling tried to woo the Lord, Hilarious. Logged Out: 3 Standard Meals. Adventurers split off for more info. Locals feed them the usual kobolt problem line. Trio are particularly troublesome when it comes to this errand, demanding money up front, horses etc. Tiefling tries to woo stablemaster, hits her in the tail with a horse shoe, Hilarious. Logged Out: 3 Horses.”
- Winterhaven Logbook – Exhibit B in the People of Winterhaven vs The Freedom of Information Act, AKA The 'Chosen Ones Join Queue Here' Case
Our First session got to a decent enough start, with the DM using the stock campaign that came with the Dnd 4th ed starter set. I was the only one with a properly painted model, but we had plenty of old Warhammer models and online floorplans to keep us going. Also me and the DM were the only ones with dice, go figure. The DM was chosen as previously mentioned, because he was the most familiar with the game, and because he'd announced that his character would be represented by a pound coin otherwise. The first battle was a toughie, mainly because the DM misinterpreted the rules, making our rolls against the kobolts much less effective (If you think this is bad though, wait till you see what our other DM does later).
Shortly after in the tavern Jocasta fails a test to see if her boasting about being able to stomach alcohol was true or not. It wasn't. All in all I thought the DM was a bit harsh on me, especially since it was my first ever game, and rendered Jocasta unconscious for a full game day. Later on he also introduced us to both his own character and a female elf, both of which were wayyyy too cryptic, earning him a bit of a reputation by making every character sound like they have a hidden agenda. Also, Trust spent ages trying to coax the reward out of a side quest without doing it. In the end, Jocasta and Azreal voted to do the quest anyway, which is where our second session would start.
Continues Shortly...
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
Warhammer 40'000: Realization
The topic of this weeks sketch group over at the Illuminatus forums is a moment of realization. I thought I'd have fun with the idea, hence this comic.
Sunday, 14 March 2010
Lets talk game development. Mass Effect 2's Suicide Mission

Spoilers Ahoy, though not too many.
Lets clear the air and let me just say that I thought Mass Effect 2 was a fantastic game, and easily comes close to being what I consider one of the best Sci-Fi games of all time. To a degree I feel that Mass Effect was better in terms of storyline and pacing but Mass Effect 2 makes up for this by having some of the best characterization ever seen in a game.
So what's todays entry about? Well I had also played the equally fantastic Dragon Age: Origins and when comparing the romance options between the two games It seemed to me that Mass Effect manages to pull it off better because there's far less number crunching, In Mass Effect forming a romance Is simply down to saying the right thing at the right time and Its fairly obvious when it is, and If you want to call it off at any time, you can, then In due course sexytime is offered up at a set point.
Dragon Age's romances however depends on an approval system and bringing up the right topic of conversation. In my first playthrough one character was deeply in love with mine but couldn't “seal the deal” because I didn't unlock the right side quest by picking a conversation option I wasn't really Interested in. In my second playthrough my character was a complete sociopathic bastard who hated everyone, yet somehow unbeknown to me had initiated a romance with the same character from my first playthough.
So what's this got to do with ME2's suicide mission then? Well, while I feel it does the romance well, I think its 'anyone can die' system had the number crunching problem from Dragon Age, but rather than make it too hard, it made it too easy, my main gripes were:
That if characters were not loyal they'd still throw their lives away to save you at some points. why?
That it was far too easy to save most of the characters anyway, it was simply down to doing side quests and buying the right upgrade, and picking your specialists was as easy as pie.
That when a character did die it was all like 'oh and he's dead' and then you move on, and finish the game, and they appear in some coffins for about two seconds, most of these characters are much loved by the time you finish the game, they deserve better.
The “No One Left Behind” achievement made it feel like you're a looser for not saving everyone
Now I'm no game designer but Neverwinter Nights 2 and Dragon Age both did the same thing with the 'anyone can die' by and large, so going by my experience of RPG's here's how I would have liked to have seen it done:

Part 1: Early Game
The way I see it, choices made early in the game should have a great impact on the outcome. A good example of this is how early on I did Zaeed's loyalty mission, chose to save some innocents rather than help him get his revenge and as a result didn't gain his loyalty, however if my Paragon stats were higher I could have talked him round anyway, which annoyed me, had I done the mission later, he would have survived. Also I fully expected him to betray me at some point, Instead he threw his life away to save the Normandy crew... wat?
Instead:
Neverwinter Nights 2 and Dragon Age did this better but still with the number crunching approval system. At points in both games if you'd not done enough to get reasonable approval off the characters, they'd turn against you. In Mass Effect 2 there should be no going back once you've made your decision, there shouldn't be the option to talk them round (not based on stats at least) instead it should be harder to gain their loyalty, but there should be more options to do so.
Same goes for upgrades etc, In Planescape: Torment you could talk the last boss down and save all your mates but only if you completed a fairly well hidden side quest. Also, character loyalty should dictate their actions wholesale, not simply weather or not they live or die.

Part 2: Preparing for the suicide mission
Lets face facts, the final mission wasn't all it was built up to be, it should have been longer, harder and cleverer (no innuendo intend). Personally I would have dropped a few of the recruitment missions and spent more time on the suicide mission.
First and foremost it could have been made more epic and emotional if it was split up into a series of “Island hops”. The Normandy lands on the collector ship to steal something to gain access to the base or whatever, strategy is required and not all of them may make it back, then back to the Normandy to grieve if they don't and plan the next excursion, rinse and repeat over varied environments, you could hop between the derelict ships towards the collector base for example.
Strategy should be the key to survival, as well as picking a leader to lead the 2nd fireteam, you should also have to give orders at various points, order them to push forward too early and they may be cut down by too fierce a resistance, order them to stay put for too long and they may be overwhelmed. Disloyal characters would flee back to the Normandy, Loyal ones may throw their lives away to save others, and various other choices earlier in the game could impact this.
There could also be a point where, say, the reapers use indoctrination against your team, anyone not loyal turns against you and you're forced to kill them.

Part 3: A heroic Sacrifice
So you finally fight your way to the center of the collector base, maybe you lost a few men, maybe they all made it, but now you've got a choice to make, and no its not weather or not to blow up the collector base or keep it, its how you're going to detonate that bomb.
In the previews for Mass Effect 2 we were told that Shepard could very well die, and that If he did you'd say 'fair enough' because the choices you made led him to his fate. This didn't quite happen as well as I expected, Shepard dies only if by the off chance you miss most of the loyalty missions don't upgrade anything and make a pigs ear of your specialists, only an idiot Shepard would die, but he's given a heroic death anyway.
Instead we should have a scenario combining elements of Dragon Age and Planescape. In DA you're given the choice, sacrifice yourself, sacrifice your companion or take a morally questionable 3rd route. In Mass Effect 2 the loyalty system would have been a good impacter on this. Lets say the bomb at the end can only be detonated directly, so somebody has to stay behind, the truly heroic Shepard can detonate it himself, but lets say Thane (cause he's dieing) Samara (cause she's old) Legion (cause he's a hive mind anyway) and Garrus (cause he's like that) also volunteer to detonate it, but ONLY if they're loyal and survived. No loyalty or an all dead team means Shepard has to detonate the bomb after all.
But I did mention a third option, one that can get your whole team home provided they've survived thus far. A la Planescape's Blade of the Immortal, there would be a fairly obscure side quest where you get the Cain nuke launcher at the end rather than researching it, completing this quest means that rather than having to detonate the bomb manually, you can launch it from the Normandy and everyone gets home safe and sound.
There you go, third option, but only for those curious enough to find it.
Achievements for the various different outcomes like in Dragon Age, rather than just one for saving everyone.
Also if Shep dies in ME2 you should still be able to carry the game across, but play ME3 as a whole new character.
Just a few thoughts on how I think an already near perfect game could have been even better. My standards are way too high.

In other news, Call of Pripyat was awesome.
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